When “Patience is a Virtue” But You Have None
Cultivating patience is the biggest lesson I’ve learnt in the last 9 years. We’ve all been told that “good things take time”. The problem is, like 40% of the population, I’m an enormously impatient person in every area of my life. If you know anything about ‘The Marshmallow Test’ I’d have failed with flying colours.
I couldn’t wait to grow up, to climb the career ladder as quickly as possible, I even completed my four-month-long house renovation in a quarter of the time. This permeated all areas of my life. My wish lists were more like ‘to-do’ lists. If someone said it couldn’t be done now, I would find a way to make it happen, fast.
We’re surrounded by an instantly gratifying way of life. When previously meals would take hours to garden, prepare and cook, we can get a McDelivery in ten minutes. An Uber wait of over 15 minutes? Unheard of. We can open our devices and get an instant dopamine hit from social media, quickly finding any information we could possibly need whilst stalking an ex-partner and getting up to date on news headlines in seconds. According to a survey by Interparcel, our patience only lasts five minutes waiting to be served at a bar, 10 minutes before we complain about a screaming child at a restaurant and won’t even wait 10 seconds for a web page to load.
From business growth overnight with ‘viral’ trends to shows such as ‘Married At First Sight’, we’re rushing through life at breakneck speed. James Hewitston, head of wealth management at HSBC UK, said: “While most of us have goals for the future, it can seem a long way off, so it’s easy to focus on what we want now and worry about the future later”.
At the time I thought impatience was my competitive advantage. I was delivering work faster than anyone else. The impact of this impatience, however, was being frequently disappointed and angry with others. Why could they not work as quickly? What are they waiting for? I failed to celebrate any successes being so busy, impatient to do more and to constantly increase my productivity.
Putting this kind of pressure on ourselves and others causes stress and anxiety, impacting our physical and mental health until we eventually burn out. If you’re living life at breakneck speed, you’re neglecting to pay attention to what’s around you, the focus is always on wants and needs, rather than what is.
Think about running a business: being impatient to grow to sell, could result in quick growth and high returns – for a while. A large team built quickly without a mission, vision, values, culture and adequate training can quickly begin to crumble if customers can see through the facade.
If you rush into a relationship, move in and have kids before you barely know the person, it could end in a divorce as swift as the wedding. Losing weight extremely quickly is a recipe for disaster, whilst ruining your metabolism, will end up in the 90% of people who eventually regain just about all of it.
I’ve finally learned that the phrase ’the later the greater’ actually has some meaning. I allow time for silence, reflection, and questioning my own logic when I’m feeling the urge to rush or be impulsive.
The key is to re-prioritise. Most things don’t need to be done immediately! If you leave work at 5 pm, you might send fewer emails, but you won’t miss your kids growing up. Will the world really end if your garden doesn’t get done this weekend? Will there be another opportunity to buy a new car when your credit card bills aren’t stacked up? What matters most now and in the long run? Re-prioritise according to your values and goals.
When something doesn’t happen within the shortest possible timeframe – is it really so bad?
If we stop being impatient we start listening, we start looking for alternatives, thinking things over, living our lives and enjoying what we have with an appreciation for the moment. Patience is the way we behave whilst waiting, why not pull up a chair and enjoy the peace and quiet?
