Things typically get worse before they get better. That’s not pessimism. It’s reality. You may have to endure the worst years of your life to earn the best times of your life. You only develop resilience and the resulting happiness through these detours.
A relationship may have got manipulative and severely impacted someone’s sense of self before they gained the courage to leave and finally realised what they want from life to pursue it. A boss may have burnt out an underpaid and underappreciated employee, forcing them to resign to take a sabbatical before they had the headspace to come up with their new business idea. A serious health diagnosis could’ve kickstarted someone’s journey into health and fitness, driving them to set records.
I took many huge and drastic detours in life which have led me to realising my calling, finding happiness and helping others to achieve the impossible too. However, it took going through the darkest period of my life to reach the other side.
On 14th February 2018, a day that’s known for love, caring and joy, I was sitting at Luxembourg airport on the runway watching the raindrops making patterns on the aeroplane window before making the journey to Cape Town. I was completely emotionally drained, I hadn’t slept in nights, I had so many unanswered questions in my mind. I kept on asking myself how things could have ever got this bad. I’d stepped away from my corporate career after more than 20 years and I had no job, I had nowhere to call home, no plan and nobody special in my life. Things were not supposed to turn out this way!
When I left South Africa in 2015 I thought my transformation was complete. I’d left a toxic marriage, I’d sold most of my possessions, I gave up my businesses, I lost 80 lbs of physical weight and went to Luxembourg to climb the ladder in a global organisation. Two and a half years later I was shattered, questioning myself about my decisions all over again. As someone who’s always been rather impatient, I didn’t appreciate at that stage that I had to do this detour to Luxembourg to learn that living that idealised life, having a global industry leadership role and earning lots of money, is not the key to my own happiness. Maybe to others, but not mine.
At that stage I felt like every door I was knocking on was closing. I was so set on one thing, to get to the US where my family was. Never once thinking there was any other choice. I went to study there but I did not obtain a visa to actually work and live there. It was yet another year with a big detour where my plans didn’t work out. I was so set on the outcomes that I didn’t even think about other options that I could possibly have.
At the end of that year I ended up in hospital. It felt like I’d given everything my best, yet I was failing. It was only then when I was able to ask myself what do I value in life? What kind of meaning does society give to my values? What am I measuring myself against? What are my regrets? Who am I as an authentic person? Are my beliefs holding me back?
Just because things aren’t looking so bright now, doesn’t mean that your current struggles will not be a catalyst for huge and positive change. I had to be strict, learning many more lessons to overcome my limiting beliefs to get to happiness. Forcing goals that aren’t the right ones for you will take you on many detours. I have now rebuilt a happy life helping people just like you to identify and achieve the right goals for yourself.
