I’m a serial quitter. I’ve quit jobs, I’ve quit organisations, I’ve quit countries, I’ve quit my marriage, and I’ve quit studies. I don’t carry any shame about it.

There is so much emphasis nowadays on that first step of beginning things, taking the risk in the first place to give something a shot. Very little importance is placed on knowing when to quit, or when to know to keep going. A lot of people might say they want to quit but never take action. 41% of people are likely to consider leaving their jobs within the next year, yet less than half of these (20%) have made plans to quit (PwC, 2022).

Why do people stay?

There’s a view that quitting is cheating, that it’s running away from a difficult situation and that it’s a sign of failure. However, quitting is difficult. Sometimes the easy option is to stay and carry on without changing anything. Change and uncertainty are uncomfortable, when we leave a familiar situation, uncertainty is exactly what we’re walking into. The way we are conditioned makes quitting even harder. My mum always said ‘you will make things work’, and not being able to, felt like a failure on my part.

People stay because they’re scared of what others will think and say, or they believe respite is just on the horizon. Thinking if they just stick out a job long enough they’ll get a promotion, if they just stay in the relationship until after Christmas, or if they just put up with their horrible housemate until they move out. But these things are never guaranteed.

Quitting isn’t always the right decision.

I’m certainly not suggesting that at the first inkling something isn’t working out that you should go ahead and quit. When you do most things for the first time they’re going to be difficult and uncomfortable. If you set up a new business and only stick it out for three months, you can’t say it was a failure when you didn’t give it enough effort to work in the first place. When you go on a diet and you don’t lose 10kg in the first month, it doesn’t mean that it’s time to quit.

Importantly, I’d say that before you quit, you need to exhaust all your options, where you do have control to change your situation or emotional response. So many more things are possible to drastically change your circumstances without needing to quit. Leaving won’t necessarily make you happy. You need to identify the root cause of your unhappiness, or you’ll be unhappy in whatever scenario you find yourself in. You will only take your unhappiness with you. This is the reason I quit so many things in a short period of time , whilst they weren’t the cause of my misery, my limiting beliefs and attitudes were.

How to know when to quit.

I always wish I quit earlier rather than stay in each situation as long as I did. Normally when I start questioning whether I should move on is when I should quit rather than later after questioning everything for much longer. If I look at the indicators that were there for me, these were the signs that came up each time when I knew I had to quit:

1.     Quit when things are starting to impact your health.

Either physically or mentally. Whilst it’s ok to sometimes skip the gym if you need to finish a project or get a quick fast-food meal if you’re travelling and there are no other options, long-term, you’ll only build resentment. This includes when long hours and work travel is impacting your sleep. In ‘Why We Sleep’ Matthew Walker describes the huge impacts of less than 8 hours of sleep regularly impacting everything from our fertility to memory and disease.

2.     When you’re no longer motivated.

If you’re bored or have lost passion for something, it could be time to move on. If you no longer care, you won’t succeed in what you do. Have you lost the enthusiasm because of something deeper going on in your life, or is it directly the situation and you need to leave?

3.     If you’re staying for the wrong reasons.

For example, you’ve already invested lots of time or money into something, like a degree but it’s only making you miserable. Investing huge amounts into a failing business doesn’t mean you need to keep trying to make it work as these are already sunk costs. You could be staying in a position because of the money – a toxic job or relationship. We can always earn more money, yet we can’t get back our precious time.

4.     You have other options.

Do these other options excite you? They should motivate you when planning your exit strategy if they are lucrative enough. The idea of freedom from the burden or something new that leaves you feeling more enthused than your current situation is a sign that quitting could be the best option.

I’ve been at this crossroads so many times in my life and I know it’s not easy. Talking to others about the options out there helps you gain perspective and clarity. Getting to know yourself, your values and what makes you really happy in life will help you get there. This is where coaching comes in to help you make the right decisions and weigh up the right options.

Know your limitations and know your options.