Breaking Barriers to Live the Dream
Earlier in my life, I had a very fixed mindset of what I would and wouldn’t allow myself to do. This was almost like an internal framework for my own behaviour, developed from external experiences. I’d judge myself and others based on following these subconscious ‘rules’. Anyone that thought or acted differently was wrong!
These beliefs began holding me back, limiting my options in terms of my career, friends, happiness, where I lived, what I would do and even what I should wear. When I look back at that period I realise that my life was very black and white.
We create a mental framework based on past experiences for how we perceive the world. Nothing has meaning until we give it one. We perceive a situation and internalise the meaning from a simple ‘ah it’s raining, that means I can’t cycle to work’ to more life-determining thoughts such as ‘if I don’t have nice things and a flashy life, I’m unloveable’.
We have on average 6,000 thoughts a day (healthline.com). If we’re rejecting so many of them by living according to a set of rules we set ourselves, we’ll end up taking fewer chances and having more regrets about missing out on acting on great and creative ideas. Continually pushing down and rejecting our own thoughts and feelings is exhausting and you can end up rejecting your sense of self.
I lived by a set of unhelpful beliefs about what I thought would lead to a ‘successful’ life:
- Stay in the country I grew up in.
- Never move to London or away from the African sun.
- Be seen to have the best of everything in terms of a grand house and designer clothing.
- Only be friends with those of high social standing.
- Never get divorced.
- Only ever pursue high-flying corporate careers.
Recently I passed an antique market in London and reminisced on previous visits for my antique business, for art auctions or attending corporate meetings. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would ever live in London, that I would ever walk more than 20,000 steps a day, regularly! I was going past the high-rise offices in a (non-designer) t-shirt and jogging bottoms, the happiest I have ever been. I’ve gone against all the things I said I would never do and I would have never imagined how happy it would make me feel.
If you strip back all of your limiting beliefs, everything becomes a lot clearer. It’s not easy to challenge and change deeply ingrained thought patterns and habits and the first step is always the hardest. It was hard for me to let go of those things I’d fixated on for most of my life, it becomes a habit and you want to hold on to what you know. There’s a domino effect, once you open up your options and start to see even more possibilities.
Despite behaving and doing all the things that were ‘right’ in my mind to be happy and successful, I wasn’t. I was stuck in my ways and limiting my options in life. Until you also begin to conquer the thoughts holding you back, you’ll never be able to move forwards in your career or personal life.
Many greats changed their beliefs, ideas of success and life trajectory. Jeff Bezos traded in his Wall Street career to build Amazon from his garage and became one of the world’s richest men. Arnold Schwarzenegger faced huge scrutiny over his accent when trying to break into Hollywood from his background in bodybuilding. Julie Child followed the crowd and worked in advertising, media, and secret intelligence before she changed tack and wrote her first cookbook when she was 50, launching her career as a celebrity chef in 1961.
It’s never too late to overcome ingrained thought patterns that still hold you back from chasing your dreams. I’ve broken down the barriers I’ve built myself and seen it happen before my eyes in the lives of so many clients.
“Let what no longer serves you fall away to make room for what better serves you” – Angela Bushman.
