‘You only regret the things you didn’t do’ – Michael Curtiz.

The thing that holds us back from doing what we truly desire, expressing ourselves in ways that feel authentic and living in alignment with our values is fear. To live a life without regret is to overcome fear.

I have travelled solo on the trains through India, braved the bustling markets of Mumbai, travelled through China, went white water rafting in the Zambezi, and hot air ballooned over the desert. I left the country I lived in for 42 years to go live in a country I briefly visited only 3 times before. Many of these things have the capacity to be fearful experiences for many people, yet not having these experiences could lead to regret. To live the life I have, I’ve learnt to face my fears, but it has not always been that way.

We can learn a lot from modern and contemporary artists who create without fear. They are not afraid to make statements that align with their values. They are willing to live with the consequences. They are willing to question societal norms in their art. They get us to focus on things we can often not confront ourselves which is why so many people relate their work. Artist Toby Mott was the leader of the Grey Organisation in the 80’s. They mounted an attack on Cork Street, those days the centre of London art, splashing grey paint on the windows of the galleries. Known as the ‘Cork Street Attack’; it was executed due to the under-representation of young British artists in the galleries. There’s no need to be this extreme, but when I asked if he has any regrets in his life, he said ‘no’.

Many artists from literary legends to songwriters and painters need to overcome this fear to create freely and true to themselves and their artform. Some, such as Keith Thomspon and Scot Fischer lean into fear itself when creating their work.

My experience with fear:

As a child, I was always rebelling as I never wanted to conform. I was seen as outspoken yet my biggest regret is not speaking up enough and learning to do so earlier in my life. When I look back at situations where I was treated unfairly by others, I too often blamed myself. When inappropriate comments were thrown my way, I stayed silent. When others hurt me I cried alone. When I fell in love, I never spoke up for fear of getting hurt. Fear held me back from speaking and living my truth.

What is fear?

Fear is the body’s natural response to something we perceive as threatening or dangerous, it’s not inherently a bad thing. When we see a car coming toward us, we instinctively freeze and avoid extreme situations where we could hurt ourselves. It’s a survival tactic, our ancestors who didn’t go into the big scary cave survived, whereas the eternally optimistic fearless warrior that wandered in got eaten by a bear, thus, the fearful genes were passed on. Many phobias and anxieties we have are based around our innate fear of dying including spiders, roller coasters, heights, dogs and health anxiety, yet, our mind cannot differentiate between life-threatening and imagined.

Over 10 million people in the UK are living with phobias and specific fears and 8.2 million are living with anxiety disorders (Anxiety UK). Fear is widespread and can often prevent us from doing something positive, truly living, speaking up, travelling alone, saying no to peer pressure and in doing so, compromising our values.

It’s not all bad!

Some fear, however, is good for us. Dr Julie Smith describes in her book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before’ that life without fear is boring and numbing, yet too much, and our sympathetic nervous system goes into overdrive for too long and affects our health and wellbeing. We actively seek fear in scary films, rides and haunted houses but we can handle these fears because we are in control and we know there is an endpoint. We need to find a balance between exciting and mundane or calming experiences to live a fulfilling life.

Overcoming fear is entirely possible

Our brain deletes distorts and generalises. We thereby create our own fears and need to start questioning them. The right coaching techniques can help us overcome these fears and install confidence by removing limiting beliefs and anchoring positive outcomes in a very similar manner as changing habits. Through life coaching, we work on how to overcome fear, managing stress and living in alignment with our values.

I’ve learnt how to overcome anxiety around how others perceive me and how to be happy within myself after facing my fears. They no longer hold me back. I now have the confidence to ensure I live a life of no regrets and do everything I ever dreamed about. So, what’s stopping you from living a life without regrets?